“Love, love, love,” the chorus rings in the famous Beatle’s song. Love is fresh on people’s minds as February – the month of romance – is here, but where to go and what to do to celebrate all things of the heart? We have the scoop this month for your heart’s delight out of love, searching for love or in love. Valentine’s Day weekend kicks off early with some popular parties.

Head over to the Supperclub (657 Harrison St.) for Cupid’s Back, 8pm to 12am on February 9. Featuring 400 single guys donning their names on big hearts ready to mix and mingle and dance until the early morning hours. Drag queen legend Juanita More hosts and spins the turntables for the sixth annual event benefiting the GLBT Historical Society and the GLBT History Museum. $30 in advance, $35 at the door. www.cupidsback.kintera.org.

Tango, classical music, chocolate, hors d’oeuvres, and wine tastings will take over the Ferry Building Marketplace at the Embarcadero at Food from the Heart on February 11 & 12, 5pm–8pm. It’s free to enter the candlelit Ferry Building to enjoy the food and wine demonstrations and specials at the festival on Friday and Saturday, but tastings are $2-$4. Proceeds benefit Slow Food San Francisco. www.ferrybuildingmarketplace.com/ffth2011.php.

Jazz swooner Freddy Cole, brother of the late Nat King Cole, will set the tone for love and will set hearts aflutter with his suave, elegant, formidable, and articulate vocals backed up by the Freddy Cole Quartet at the Rrazz Room at the Hotel Nikko (222 Mason St.) February 12–14. Tickets range from $35 to 40. www.therrazzroom.com/12ap/freddy_c.html.

Enjoy an evening of world class ballet and mingling at Night Out at the San Francisco Ballet on February 17, 7pm to midnight. Take in three performances featuring Wayne McGregor’s award-winning Chroma and the world premiere of Beaux by acclaimed choreographer Mark Morris. The performances are followed by an encore production of Christopher Wheeldon’s Number Nine, featuring an ensemble of 24 dancers set to a score by Michael Torke. This magical night begins with interviews and mingling with the creators of the ballets, performance, followed by a reception at the War Memorial Opera House (301 Van Ness Ave.). $52–$78. www.sfballet.org/niteout.

Gay and lesbian couples are invited out to a date night by the Gay and Lesbian Couple’s Institute at Pisco Latin Lounge (1815 Market St.) February 18, 5pm–6:30pm. Fall deeper in love with your partner and meet other couples at Date Night for Gay and Lesbian Couples. Enjoy complimentary appetizers and drinks, raffles for dinner for two at Destino, movie tickets, Visa gift cards and more. Free. http://tinyurl.com/DateNight4Gay-LesbianCouples.

The fab musical, Mamma Mia!, featuring Abba’s hit songs spinning together two stories of love lost and found, returns to San Francisco at the Orpheum Theater (1192 Market St.). Fall in love all over again with the musical that has won hearts around the world February 21–March 4. http://tinyurl.com/MamaMia-Orpheum.

Love Bites
Down with love this year? Escape hearts, pink and red confetti, and smooching couples at these anti-V-Day celebrations.

Hate love? Hate the ‘80s? The Gay and Lesbian Chorus of San Francisco is going the Wedding Singer this Valentine’s Day Adam Sandler style with its annual “Love Bites” concert with “Love Bites and so does the ‘80s” at the Mission Cultural Center (2868 Mission St.) on February 10 – 12, 8:00 p.m. on Friday and Saturday, 7:30 p.m. on Sunday. www.lgcsf.org.

Don’t want to feel so bad about failed relationships and love gone wrong? Misery loves company at the Doomed Valentines Show on February 10 & 11 at The Makeout Room (3225 22nd St.) and the Shattuck Down Low (2284 Shattuck Ave., Berkeley) on February 12. All mortifying, wretched, strung out, and love-sick angst-ridden confessions come out at 8pm. Tickets $15–$20. www.getmortified.com/live/.

Cupidity

More Valentine’s Events

Thu 2
Love Hurts @ City Art Gallery
Opening reception for a group show of gay and straight artists who visualize the not-so-sweet side of love. 7pm-10pm. Thru Feb. 25, Wed-Sun, 12pm-9pm. 828 Valencia St. 970-9900. www.cityartgallery.org

Wed 8
Aphrodesia After Hours @ Conservatory of Flowers
Mixed romantic party with hand-brewed cocktails. Live music by Le Quartet de Jazz and gourmet chocolates, all in the lush botanical garden. $10. Cash bar. 6pm-10pm. Golden Gate Park, 100 JFK Dr. 831-2090. www.conservatoryofflowers.org

Wed 8
Love on Wheels @ Public Works
SF Bicycle Coalition’s annual fun party, with a Dating Game-style show for gay, straight and lesbian contestants, plus valet bike parking and tasty drinks. $5-$10. 7pm. 161 Erie St. at Mission.   www.sfbike.org/?love

Thu 9
Hearts After Dark @ AT&T Park
San Francisco General Hospital Foundation hosts an evening of hors d’oeuvres, cocktails and live music by DJs Hubert Keller, Kevin Michael Wong and A Plus D. $75-$1000. 7pm-10pm.  24 Willie Mays Plaza. 206-4478. www.sfghf.net

Fri 10
Down With Love @  San Rafael Joe’s
Porchlight Theatre Company presents a cabaret comedy sketch night with songs about love and lust sung by Porchlight Theatre Company singer-actors; served with a four-course dinner. $69. 7pm. Also Feb 14. 931 Fourth St., San Rafael. 251-1027. www.porchlight.net

Sat 11
Valentine’s Dance @ Max’s Café, Corte Madera
Katherine Holland and Iknka Von’s night of dinner and dancing for LGBT singles and couples. Enjoy a three-course dinner and wine ($20; 6pm-7:30) and dancing ($20, 7:30-11pm). Portion of proceeds benefits Spectrum LGBT Center. REVSP romantic song requests: marindance2012@gmail.com 378-2697. 60 Madera Blvd., Corte Madera. www.maxsworld.com

Sat 11
Valentine Swing Fest @ Women’s Building
Lindy dance and contest for same- and opposite-sex partners, plus basic swing lessons for newbies (7pm). $25-$50 with dinner options. 8pm-12am. “Shag a Valentine” dance and contest Feb 12, $15-$50. 8pm-12am. 3543 18th St. www.SFSwingJam.com

Sun 12
Sweethearts’ Ball & Underwear Party
@ Space 550
Sundance Saloon’s annual dance for cowboys and cowgirls. Dance the night away in boots, bras, briefs, cowboy hats. Underwear attire optional; free coat/clothes check. $5. 5pm-10:30pm.550 Barneveld Ave. near Bayshore. www.sundancesaloon.org

Mon 13
Love Hurts @ The Make-Out Room
Litquake presents a hilarious night of readings from some of the most wretched published passages on love and lust ever written, with Justin Chin, Daphne Gottlieb, Brock Keeling, Dr. Marty Klein, MariNaomi, Kirk Read, Michelle Richmond, Ellen Sussman, Michelle Tea, and Malena Watrous. $10. 7pm. 3225 22nd St. www.litquake.org

We’ve all been caught in that slightly terrifying moment: you, standing with your significant other, introduces you to a new person, who immediately replies, “Nice to meet you! I’ve heard so much about you!”

And as if we aren’t already brushing towards awkwardness, the other shoe drops – a follow-up: “So, how did you two meet?”

On more – many more – than one occasion, that question has stopped me in my tracks and rendered me speechless, my mind in chaos, struggling with whether to tell the truth. See, if I did, then I could choose from any number of replies.

“Oh, we met when I accidentally tripped him at a dark, seedy sex bar in New York City. Turns out, we both live in San Francisco!”

Or perhaps, “We met online. At first I wasn’t sure if he even spoke English. Turns out he does, and he’s sexy too!”

And if pressed: “Well, he’s actually my ex-boyfriend’s boyfriend.”

While the truth can definitely be a conversation-starter and a juicy piece of gossip, I usually fall shy and say something lame, like “Oh, through a friend at a bar one night.” But that answer covers considerable ground.

Bars don’t conjure an idea of romance, more notorious as pickup joints rather than a place you’d meet the man or woman of your dreams. However, some bars eschew loud music and shots to offer a dimly lit and comfortable seating area that can beckon Cupid to come calling. Hotel Biron is one of those places. I myself am guilty of once starting a three-month relationship that stemmed from a surprise red wine-induced kiss on a comfy sofa. If you have a decent imagination and enough wine, Hotel Biron’s location, nestled in an alleyway connecting Market and Gough Streets, is slightly reminiscent of a narrow Paris street. Once inside the narrow wine bar, you will find a handful of low and high tables for two and a couple of couches to nestle a little closer while perusing the extensive wine list, which specializes in French and California vineyards.

While the ambience of Hotel Biron could easily lead to reciting passionate poetry and feeding your date chocolate-covered strawberries, not all bars boast the same over-the-top romantic ambience. Marga Gomez, who hosts and produces Comedy Bodega at Esta Noche, Thursdays at 8:00pm, is happily in a relationship where she and her girlfriend agree that Cafe Flore, on the corner of Market and Noe Streets, is their favorite romantic spot.

“Every time we go there, no matter what time of day, it feels like we’re on a first date,” says Gomez. However, it’s rare that a corner bar can yield such ongoing romances for Marga, who recalls a time she walked by Twin Peaks bar and was waved in by a cute lesbian who was having a drink with her grandfather, visiting from out of town.

“They got me really drunk and took me home,” Marga recalls. “The girl was definitely cute, but her grandfather wanted to watch! Fortunately, I drank too much and started puking, which turned them both off!” Sounds like a heave-y situation!

Sandy Stec is the midday radio host on San Jose’s Mix 106.5 FM. Occasionally, her work takes her out of the isolated studio, and among her everyday listeners. With her engaging personality, sassy sense of humor and fantastic hair, Sandy notes that her schedule has her make appearances at clubs, bars and restaurants all the time. But she recalls the worst time someone attempted to pick her up, hosting a silent auction in the Bay Area suburb of Morgan Hill.

“Prior to the auction, I was looking at all the items on the tables, seeing if there was anything I wanted to bid on, and this older guy, maybe late 50’s, was looking at the same table, but clearly, he was checking me out,” says Stec with a flip of her gorgeous mane. Then, he made contact, asking, “Lots of cool stuff, huh?” Sandy replied, “…Yeah.”

He followed with, “You single?”

Sandy laughs at his bluntness, noting, “That’s even worse than a pickup line, because he didn’t even try! And, if he did try, that means his big, opening pickup line was “Lots of cool stuff, huh?”

To get away, Sandy feigned interest in bidding on crappy arts and crafts baskets. Once she got into scrapbooking, even he got the message.

Truly, the choice of pickup line can be as important as an intricate stanza in a love poem. Those carefully or not-so-carefully chosen words can make or break you in a heartbeat. San Francisco clubgoer Blake Engel recalls seeing a lady standing in front of a giant fan at The Cat Club one night. He approached and informed her, “Only the hot girls stand in front of the fan.” He then went home alone.

Miguel Aguilar recently moved to San Francisco from Las Vegas, and upon entering a cruisy Castro bar, he was asked, “What are you feelings on scoliosis?”

He replied, “Um, I’m pretty neutral?”

His suitor was ready with a rejoinder: “Good, because after tonight, you’re going to need a back brace!”

For some, innuendo just isn’t their style, and the pickup line can become more of a sales pitch. Marga Gomez says the worst pickup line she has been subjected to happened ten years ago at The Lexington, when a chick bragged “Hey Marga, I can ejaculate on a dime!” In the end, despite the impressive resume, Marga passed on her intricate skills. “I worried she might stain my couch, so I walked away!”

by Sal Meza

“Why be a queen, when you can be an empress?” That was the question José Sarria asked after being named Queen of the 1965 Beaux Arts Ball. The man formerly known as the Nightingale of Montgomery Street answered his own question by proclaiming himself Empress I, José.

The 1965 Beaux Arts Ball was the third annual drag ball held by the Tavern Guild of San Francisco. It was attended by over 500 people who risked being arrested by a line of police officers who blocked the entrance to the Winterland Ballroom. It was in response to these harsh realities that the Imperial Council of San Francisco was formed under the auspices of the Tavern Guild. Empress II, Bela, the first elected empress, was presented at the Beaux Arts Ball the following year.

Empress XVI, Pushy Phillis Don’t'cha Know explained, “The Court, along with the bike clubs, the Tavern Guild and the SIR Center (Society for Individual Rights), was a forward leading organization in uniting the community, getting people together in groups. This was at a time when meeting in groups could cause a major scandal. Without them coming forward we may have never gotten as far with equality.”

Gladys Bumps, a member since 1966 who holds the title of Czarina Day Camp, remembered, “They gave us a club where we could build a fantasy world where it didn’t matter who you were outside. We built our society where everyone can be fabulous and even be royalty. We have a fun time, and we raise a lot of money to help the community.”

By 2005, the “Mother Court” had raised over $1.5 million as a 501(c)(3) and boasted over 65 chapters throughout Canada, Mexico and the United States. Each year the reigning Emperor and Empress of San Francisco distribute tens of thousands of dollars to LGBT community-based charitable organizations. The causes they support have ranged from fighting 1970s anti-gay legislation to being a major source of funds and support at the height of the 1980s and 1990s AIDS crisis. Over the years they have also helped on a more personal level by raising funds when locals faced bashings, were displaced by fire, or had other urgent needs.

In 2008, under the reign of Empress XLIII Cher A Little and Emperor XXXVI John Weber, the organization and its volunteers raised approximately $50,000. When asked about the current monarchs, Weber commented, “Empress XLVI, Saybelline and Emperor XXXIX, Frankie are in the style of the old school and have been out partying with the people all over the city, and they’ve done a great job in raising funds.”

Empress Saybelline Fernandez and Emperor Frankie Fernandez made San Francisco Imperial history by being the first couple to win the titles and reign together. When asked what the best part of their reign has been, Empress Saybelline said she enjoyed working with Miss and Mr. GAPA and coordinating events with them, but she and her husband most enjoyed the group of people they have met.

“We’ve drawn a younger group of people to the organization,” she said. They stood by us from the beginning. We welcomed them in and started working toward the future.” She didn’t comment about the amount of money the organization raised this year, but rumors are if not it’s not another $50k year, it’s very close.

To find out more about the Imperial Council of San Francisco or even apply to be a candidate for Emperor or Empress, visit www.imperialcouncilsf.com and check out these events:

Feb. 4: Empress Suzy Wong’s Annual Chinese New Year Party, hosted by Absolute Empress XVL Renita Valdez and Knight of the Garter Coy Ellison, special appearance by Gladys Bumps; 4pm, Aunt Charlies Lounge, 133 Turk St.

Feb 18: Election Day, at locations to be announced.

Feb 23: Anniversary Monarch’s Reception, 5-7pm, Marlena’s, 488 Hayes St.

Feb. 24: José Honors Dinner, Out of Town show and Awards, Hotel Kabuki, 1625 Post St. Dinner includes two hours of hosted bar.

Feb 25: Coronation XLVII “Everyday is a Parade.” Doors open at 5pm, Design Center Galleria, 101 Henry Adams St.

Feb 26: Annual pilgrimage to Joshua Norton’s gravesite with the Widow Norton. Bus leaves from Marlena’s at 8:30am.

Feb. 26: Victory Brunch, 11:30am, Hotel Kabuki, tickets $25.

Feb. 26: Texas/Alaska Victory Show, 3pm Marlena’s

Feb. 27: Hawaii Victory Party, 4pm, Divas, 1081 Post St.

Is your Valentine tired of chocolates and flowers? Does sipping champagne with a strawberry dropped in a fluted glass induce an eye-rolling response?

A Taste of Leather's Valentine's Specials, 1973.

Put a little retro spice in your love life this year. Take a tip from a 1973 ad in the Bay Area Reporter for A Taste of Leather. Their Valentine’s Day Specials include “Genuine Imitation Mink” posing briefs, at the time a mere $15! The Peter Rabbit version, in “Passion Pit Red” might clash with your bedroom décor, but it certainly sends a clear message; lust trumps taste every time.

Lockets and charms may have their place for the twink set, but nothing says “seriously bonded” more than a studded leather wrist band. Break out the KISS eight-track tapes, snap this baby on your date, and you’ll be sure to win his or her heart.

And for later in your romantic interlude? The “Swinger Cock Ring” with “detachable three-ounce pearl of San Francisco titallator” blends kink with style. It’s perfect for the formal orgy in your schedule.

Oh, l’amour. Face it. If it came in a box, we’d all get laid.

Clubs, Sandwiches
and More
by Ronn Vigh

About halfway through an evening of San Francisco clubbing and bar-hopping, the need for two things often emerges: a trip to the ATM and food. While many bars do tend to dress a dimly lit corner with a money machine, finding food in a club environment isn’t so easy. While stopping to provide your body with more substantial fare might sound less fun than nourishing it with repeated rounds of beers and shots, I’ve explored establishments that offer the best of both worlds, all in one place.

A neon sign, an entrance to a long, descending staircase and, during business hours, a flood of mostly skinny jeans-clad twentysomethings flooding the Market Street sidewalk for a smoke are Café Du Nord’s most identifiable features. Besides the long bar and nightly bands, the quaint underground pub boasts a dining menu for those who want to partake in dinner and a show. From Personal Pizzas to Pot Roast to Porcini Mushroom Ravioli, Café Du Nord has a variety of options for both meat lovers and vegetarians, and serves dinner 30 minutes after doors open. (2170 Market St. 861-5016. www.cafedunord.com)

Café Du Nord isn’t the only live music venue that boasts a full dinner menu. Slim’s, the sturdy, American-roots music mainstay on 11th Street, regularly offers a bar food-heavy selection, including Bacon-Cheddar Potato Skins, Quesadillas and Veggie Corn Dogs. They also serve more complete dinner choices that vary from night to night, and include salad, seasonal vegetables, a starch and dessert. (333 11th st. 255-0333. www.slims-sf.com)

Just down the street from Slim’s, DNA Lounge feeds hungry bar patrons even when the bar is closed—the attached DNA Pizza is open 24 hours. The choices go far beyond pizza, from sandwiches and salads to a full coffee bar. There are plenty of choices for pizza by the “splice,” as they say, with a special offering each day. The night I stopped by, the “splice of the day” was the Cheeseburger, whose official (laminated!) ingredient card lists cheddar, provolone, ground beef, bacon, red onion… and more bacon! Splice it any way you want it, there’s something for everyone here, no matter what time it is. (371 11th St. 626-0166. www.DNApizza.com)

Over in the Tenderloin, it’s not uncommon to hear its denizens singing off-key renditions of show tunes to make a quick buck or two—but knowing there’s a full menu at The Great American Music Hall is music to my ears. On weekends, restaurants can entail lengthy waits that you just can’t afford when rushing to eat before a show—but The Great American Music Hall offers dining options to all patrons, with items such as “The After-School Special,” a combo of Grilled Cheese and Tomato Soup; Pulled Pork Sandwiches; and Music Hall Tri-Colored Nachos. There is also a separate dinner menu, available to dinner ticket-holders only. (859 O’Farrell St. 885-0750. www.gamh.com)

One of my newest discoveries is a venue that’s not new at all. The stylish yet informal Olive on Larkin Street is a comfortable, narrow lounge with an eager, friendly staff, serving a full menu of cocktails and nibbles. My favorite type of establishment is one where you can feel free to just order drinks, but throw in an appetizer here or there if you feel peckish, not having to worry about overstaying your welcome. With several high-top tables for friends to share, and ample bar seating for nights out alone, the menu ranges from thin-crust pizzas to specialties such as Spicy Ahi Tuna, Baked Brie and Monte Cristo Sandwiches. (743 Larkin St. 776-9814. www.olive-sf.com

Harvey’s, proudly perched on the bustling corner of 18th and Castro streets, is also known for its hearty offerings of food and booze. From Chamtinis- a flavored champagne cocktail- to the popular, extensive list of Bloody Marys, those looking to brunch, lunch or have a casual dinner can do so peacefully, while people-watching out of the large windows on two sides of the rectangular room. Harvey’s Buttermilk Fried Chicken, a favorite from the past, recently returned to the menu and has pleased this reporter’s stomach on numerous occasions. You can also choose from a variety of burgers with custom toppings, like The Cowgirl, which consists of basil, roasted garlic and peppers, jack cheese and pesto mayo. (500 Castro St.431-4278.   www.harveyssf.com)

Just outside of the Castro, Rebel, a predominantly gay bar on Market Street, also offers an evening of booze, beats, dancing and a barbecue-heavy menu served by Sneaky’s BBQ. At first glance, with motorcycle helmets and several stripper poles meeting the eye upon entrance, it could be hard to believe that they even serve food, let alone standout barbecue. With BBQ Chicken, Pulled Pork and Mac and Cheese as some of the options, your stomach will feel happy and full, and even better—you don’t have to wander far to dance off the calories! (1760 Market St.431-4202. http://twitter.com/#!/rebel_sf)

On a recent Friday evening, I exited up the South side stairs of the Castro Muni station to see a group of skinny-jeans-clad twentysomethings strolling toward the epicenter of the Castro area bars. Sandwiched between the fashionable young partygoers was the tallest of the tribe, embraced in a red striped hoodie, who said to his sole gal pal of the group, “Don’t worry about not having a date tonight– you’re with your gay friends, and we’re more fun than any date could be! We know what to do!”

Popular slang would refer to her as a “fag hag”– a lady who often associates with gay men more often than not, a woman who be found at  heavily gay populated venues drinking, dining and most likely gossiping with her fabulous queer companions.

Sometimes it’s hard for a gay man to relinquish control of his social calendar, but just sometimes, they do, and in this article we’ll explore where San Francisco ladies feel most comfortable partying down with their gay male friends, or shall we say, their “hag fags?”

Stephanie Stolorow, an eight-year resident of San Francisco, describes herself as a singer at local clubs and music venues, a yoga teacher and a graduate student. As an inimitable multi-culti intersection of culture and nightlife, Stolorow’s favorite neighborhood to unwind is San Francisco’s Mission district. Before hitting the bars, she prefers a leisurely stay at the scenic Dolores Park, nestled between the Castro and Mission neighborhoods. From hippies to hipsters, straights to gays, dog lovers and the random few who bring their beloved pet cat on a leash, Dolores Park brings together a diverse group of folks, and it’s free.

Stolorow cites Dolores Park as a comfortable and charming place to kick back with her pals, both gay and straight, and on a warm sunny day she says the park, especially the top tier toward 20th Street that’s frequently nicknamed Speedo Ridge.

As Stephanie opts to sit back in the sunshine and sip her champagne while staring out at the eye candy atop the rolling green landscape, well known “faux” queen Anita Cocktail belts it out, often with an oversized martini glass in tow, as well as her “hag fags,” or perhaps, in her case, her “dyke tykes.” Anita is the alter-ego to cabaret performer Leanne Borghesi who also does not limit her good time to the Castro.

“As a queer gal myself, I personally feel that all of San Francsico is my mecca to be able to go wherever I choose with my friends,” says Borghesi. “I definitely do my share of bar-hopping, dancing and partying in this town and have a grand time doing it as Leanne or Anita.”

One of Leanne’s first picks to party with her gay pals is Martuni’s (4 Valencia St. at Market) a martini and piano bar located on the fringes of both the Castro and Mission neighborhoods.

“A big-boned gal like me, with thirsty friends, always enjoys singing a good up-tempo Broadway tune while sipping on some of the most reasonably priced, and nicely sized, vodka martinis!”

Once she has gotten her piano bar fix, Leanne loves to stroll up the street to The Mint (1942 Market St.), a neighborhood karaoke bar, where she can “kick it up Guns N’ Roses style,” always around a great mix of people and energy.

Some locals might gasp in disgust at the notion of Union Square –busy with street vendors, cable cars and tourist-trap restaurants– yet Leanne thrives on it.

“Both Anita and Leanne have been seen hanging perpendicular on a cable car, celebrating this city’s fabulous energy, people and diversity,” she says.

Amid the epicenter of chain store shopping and hotels, Leanne enjoys spending time at Harry Denton’s Starlight Room (450 Powell St.).

“It’s a spot for those classy gals and pals who want to dress up snazzy and sip champagne and watch San Francisco in its splendor,” says Borghesi. In keeping with her cabaret roots, the Starlight Room is also a great place to catch one-of-a-kind performances, such as Donna Sachet’s weekly brunch revue, Sunday’s a Drag.

Just a couple BART stops away, Leanne shouts out “Ay Ay Ay Ay Ay” when raving about the fun she  has at Esta Noche (3079 16th St.). “A cold Corona, shot of Cuervo, Salsa, Meringue and lot’s of Aqua Net” are all in sight as she kicks her heels up for a night in the Mission.

Katie Compa works in public relations-by day and stand up comedy by night. Between her two jobs and having lots of gay male friends, she keeps a full social schedule which involves a lot of brunch, drinking and schmoozing.

One place she loves to share a toast with her guy pals is Blackbird (2124 Market St.). Nestled in narrow digs on Market Street steps from Church Station, Katie enjoys Blackbird for “the good  and comfortable mix of people, gay and straight alike.”  Borghesi seconds that, adding “It’s a chill yet sassy, mixed environment which is always great for people watching and conversations with friends over a glass of Pinot.”

While Blackbird boasts an impressive list of creative house-made cocktails, if you want to step up your cocktail game a notch, both Leanne and Katie recommend treating your friends to the Speakeasy style of Bourbon and Branch (501 Jones St.). “They have awesome cocktails and it’s just snooty enough that you get to think you’re cool for going there!”

These fabulous ladies have proven that, on or off stage, they are no strangers to having a good time. Whether you have an endless credit limit or a slim budget, follow their suggestions and you won’t ever have to worry about your social life being “on the rocks.”

You can’t go to the Olive Garden without your server pushing “specialty cocktails,” a euphemism for toxic waste. These poisonous catch-alls are enough to make you hurl. “McSewer’s 12-year bourbon, chrysanthemum syrup, birch tea, peppermint drop.” Or “Pukey’s small-batch rye, rosemary, Barfington gin, Sambucca, house-made cola.”

Who drinks these messes?

I made the mistake of ordering one last week at an upscale Italian place. The interior was so tasteful that I assumed the cocktails would be too. Wrong! It was billed as “hand-crafted whiskey, mint syrup, lemon juice.” Okay, but I didn’t want a lot of either the mint syrup or the lemon. “The drink will be off balance!” the waiter scolded. “That’s the way I want it.” “OK,” he huffed. “Then you’ll get an unbalanced drink.”

I was stunned. What was that ancient dictum about the customer always being right? That’s gone the way of the dodo and civil political discourse. He returned with a syrupy-sweet mess. The whiskey was lost in a wash of minty syrup and lemonade. Why drown a small-batch whiskey in lemon-mint Crystal Lite?

My pal Mike, the ex-priest, told me about a great cocktail he’d had at a restaurant called Print. So I made it at home, my way. Print calls the drink the Bee’s Knees, and Mike used what Print’s bartender told him were the ingredients and proportions. The ingredients were brilliant, the proportions ghastly. I haven’t been to Print, so maybe their Bee’s Knees works. But I wanted it to taste good to me, so I changed the proportions and renamed it.

The result was fabulous, to me.

Start by making lavender-infused gin. This is not difficult; you just have to find either loose lavender blossoms or herbal lavender tea bags. Try a health food store. Use good but not hideously expensive gin. It’s foolish to buy a super-premium brand if you’re going to flavor it yourself. Pour as much gin as you want to lavenderize into a clean, odor-free jar with a tight-fitting lid. (If the jar or lid still smells like pickles, use another jar.) Dump in a handful of lavender (or open some lavender tea bags and pour the contents into the jar). Don’t worry about proportions; they don’t matter. Let it stand for two days; shake it whenever you pass by. Then use a tea strainer and a funnel to decant the infusion into an attractive bottle with a tight-fitting lid or unblemished cork. The gin will not have turned purple. Miraculously, it will be honey colored.

Make a small bottle of Really Simple Syrup, but instead of using sugar, use equal parts raw honey and water. Just shake them together until the honey dissolves. Be sure to have a lemon on hand.

You could continue the theme by using honey produced by bees that collect lavender pollen, but I prefer honey made from tough, streetwise New York City bees. Yes, there are honey-producing bees in the city, and I buy as locally as possible – honey made by my neighborhood bees. Hence the drink’s name.

This recipe is simply the way I like it. Make it taste good to you.

The Union Square

1 part lavender-infused Beefeater gin

Lemon juice to taste

Really Simple Honey Syrup to taste

For a strong drink, pour the ingredients into a shaker filled with ice, shake quickly, strain and serve. For a less potent drink, serve it on ice and let it water down.

For a night of mixed drink alchemy, attend The Science of Cocktails at the Exploratorium. Discover the chemistry behind tasty cocktails while enjoying them at this fundraiser for the popular interactive science museum. $120-$185. Thursday, January 26. 7:30-11pm. Palace of Fine Arts, 3601 Lyon St. 561-0360. www.exploratorium.edu

If you are new to the Bay Area, you could be excused for thinking of the area between San Francisco and Mountain View as a nightlife free zone – at least as far as LGBT nightlife goes.  But it has not always been this way.  In fact, between 1970 and early last decade there were both gay and lesbian bars, show bars and bath houses in San Mateo County.

By the time the Bay Area Reporter began publishing in 1971, there were already two gay bars, the Bayou Lounge and Le Cabaret, one lesbian bar, the Bee Hive (jokingly referred to as the ‘Beer Hive’), and a bath house (the homey-sounding Fred’s Health Club) all in Redwood City.  The bars were regularly featured in the column ‘Peninsular Gossip’ by Roger Thomas which ran in the B.A.R. that first year.  And should you think these were quiet neighborhood bars, Le Cabaret was a three-floor dance and show bar and was already sponsoring VD clinics in the early ’70s!

There were also two bars (the Garden and the Locker Room) and two bath houses (Bachelor Quarters and the Golden Door Sauna) which were billed in gay travel guides as being in Palo Alto. As I prepared this story, Peninsula friend asked, ‘Where would there be room for a bath house in Palo Alto?’

It turns out there wasn’t. They were a block outside of Palo Alto in East Palo Alto in a neighborhood called Whiskey Gulch. When the Four Seasons moved into East Palo Alto in 2006, the Los Angeles Times described the neighborhood as “a seedy strip of dive bars, liquor stores and run-down apartment buildings known for drug sales and gang violence.” So. although the guides assured the reader that at least one of the bars was “very popular” it would seem that visiting them was definitely AYOR (At Your Own Risk).

In the 1980s, the Bayou Lounge changed names three times, first becoming the Answer and then Boomer’s. Likewise, the Golden Door became the Tubs and the Locker Room changed names to reflect the neighborhood and became Whiskey Gulch. As the ’80s progressed and AIDS took its toll, all three bath houses closed on the Peninsula. And in the early ’80s, B. Street and its upstairs women’s bar Sassy’s opened in downtown San Mateo.

The ’80s were an odd time for gay bars on the Peninsula. Boomer’s, which had been a gay bar for two decades, abruptly decided to change direction and kicked out two men for dancing together in 1986 (an employee of the bar told the men “we don’t do that shit here anymore”) and were successfully sued for bias.

Also in ’86 there was an incident of  anti-gay harassment at B Street which had the bizarre outcome of barring the B.A.R. reporter that reported on it, Gerard Koskovich, as well as all people quoted in the article from the bar as the owner objected to the article. B Street seems to have gotten into the community spirit however, as their calendar and fliers show they were soon doing turkey raffles and other benefits for AIDS groups on the Peninsula.

The 1990s saw further changes, including the closing of B Street and the opening of the last gay bar in San Mateo County, Shooter’s in Redwood City.  It was a small neighborhood bar that lasted another decade.

Did real estate prices doom the bars? Did the internet cause people to stop going out to meet?  Ultimately some questions will always remain. Will some inventive entrepreneur find a new way to reintroduce them to the area? Only time will tell.

(The author would like to thank the GLBT Historical Society for access to their ephemera collection, which was invaluable in putting together the article. www.glbthistory.org)